这夜晚，我有。。。

Thursday, 22 September 2011

今晚原本可以是一个美丽及美好的夜晚但我有做错了一件事。
其实也不是一件很难的事，但我的脑确没想去做。
我的脑拼命的叫我逃，呼求我叫我离开这地方，想带我到一个属于我的地方。那里很安静，我不必想别人需要什么，需要做什么。这就是我的世界。

有时候我很自私，不想理会别人的感受。即使是身边最亲的人也是一样。

我很想找个人聊聊，但确不知
要找谁说。因为别人会觉得我有问题。脑袋太无聊，没事想，想的都是垃圾。

还是老样子，自己一个人在房间，写日记，想自己的事，觉的很想放弃，感觉好累。

在这世上只有天父才知我心。别人只会叫我做这做那。叫我听这做那。不是我不想改，只是为什么没人知道怎样我才会改。用硬的不行。怎样？

我跟本不知道我要什么。我好累，我想太多 了！脑子里一只想同样的问题，不停的转。

我只知道我没忘记他。今早起身想的就是他。预备去作工时想的是什么事会让他快乐。路途中，想的是快到办公室bbm他。作工时，想的是帮他找他要的鞋子和干快下班，见到他。

我想这些他都不知道。因为他说他感觉不到。

今晚我只忘了说一些话就变成了罪人。在那一瞬间，我的倔强导致我再一次的得到教训。

我真得很累，我也知他也很累。我真得在那时想要对他说：＂你找错女朋友了。我不是你想要得！＂但我没说。也许我不想让他伤心，不想真样就算了。

相信我，没人想要孤独终老。所以救我吧！别把我抛下！我知错了，我会记得的！

别不要不理我！

| 00:25 |

Decided and Concluded

Monday, 29 August 2011

I have decided that I should stop writing blog post in this blog..

It is time to change and not brood over whatever is in the past but move forward and loving each single day :)

I will not destroy this blog but I will just keep this away until the day that I can no longer need this blog... It shall be deleted and be forgotten from my memories..

xoxo
Erin

| 14:58 |

The Moments

Wednesday, 24 August 2011

It was a moment..
That moment which made me realised feelings which I have never realised before..

It was a scene...
That scene which made me feel love exist, even though I was not the one in the movie...



I was either the biscuit or the potato, which I think I would be the biscuit..

The biscuit which never knew the true self...
Never thought about the true self..
Never realised that was the true self..

I cant see myself.. cant see how happy I was or was not...

I thought it felt right, felt ok but probably it was not..

I watch movies, love stories and fell in love with the scenes but I have never thought it can exist.. Because he told me that it doesnt exist...

So everything that I knew was not the real truth?

So what was the truth?

My mind is battling now...

Suddenly, I felt confused... lost...

I dont know where to begin...

I want to find back the true me again..

Though I said it many times, but it was really amazing...

Its like those scenes that happen in the movies actually did happen.. for once, I thought I was dreaming.. really dreaming..

Just someone told me how much he adores me and those feelings I felt from love movies actually can be true??

It is really unbelievable.. what is this?

Yes, he is probably right I am like falling into stage 1 again...

At a point of time, I felt that I am like making someone work so hard just for me that I felt like leaving..
Like the other self that wants to run..

I mean it felt right when he was there talking to me.. but then after that I fall back to the strong side of myself again.. like I am so used to being strong from all these years of crying and crying and picking myself up...

I want to have those feelings which I have felt at Gardenia, doing silly things together.. making people laugh.. It was me I guess, that was probably the real me which I need to find back again, once again into a new relationship, into a new beginning..

I am tired missing doing things that I like and I know I need to slowly get those back now..

Please dont stress me now, give me sometime to figure this out..

| 23:02 |

What?!

Sunday, 21 August 2011

I always knew God is always at my side no matter where I am, what I do, who I am..

Just last Friday afternoon, I felt so bad that I knelt and cry out to God, my heavenly father. I felt used, felt bad about relationship and thought that all guys are hypocrite. For these past 4 years, I have never thought I would find someone who can share the things that I like, I never thought of that. I thought that Vincent was already quite good to me already, I never expect much in a relationship but only to feel comfortable and at ease with the one I love.

Even if he is poor, I will still stand by his side. I am not those materialistic girl who must have this and that. Of cause it would be nice to receive things once in a while but it never was a must to be at all. Good and bad, as I am quite dependent on myself for all the 4 years. I never expect him to give me alot of things or expensive thing, just things which is useful, simple and kind of my taste is good enough.

Probably u can say I am too simple and kind or too good to be true but I always believe in purity and truth just like the bible. Just like the the scene where u saw Gandulf raised his staff and shines the light out of the darkness. Just like the lion came at the lowest morale of the army and gave hope to the battle between good and evil.

So just as I told my heavenly father that I feel tired and I dunno what I am fighting for here. Why am I doing and trying my best each day, trusting and believing in people and yet I didn't see any results and felt used and alone again? Someone appear seeming so familiar but I know this time I cannot allow myself to fall in a relationship so easy because I have done it twice and I don't feel good about doing it again, I am not ready yet, just not yet.

All this is just too fast, somehow inside me I am just not ready to start one yet because I don't want to end in misery again and again. Love is sweet but it can also be bitter.

Going slow now is most probably the best way I can deal with this now.

I guess I am growing much better now and dealing with things more mature now..

Yup just slow and steady.. :)

| 12:36 |

我家楼下的猫猫

Friday, 8 July 2011

| 16:02 |

我家楼下的猫猫

Monday, 4 July 2011

今天

| 23:18 |

Ginger, the Cat that lives under Block 133

Tuesday, 24 May 2011

Ginger, that's the name that I gave her.

I saw Ginger on my way to work today and saw her on the old spot that she lie always.

Ginger; spicy and tasteful, with a pinch of independence. As quiet as she lie there on that spot as always, I loves the way she lies there looking at a particular direction and seems to be thinking something far beyond our apprehensions.

What is she thinking? What does a cat of her characters think about?

My dear Ginger, the cat that lives under block 133, the most admirable cat I have ever seen.

| 18:06 |